Following two arduous, pain staking nights of Seder, the Phuc Buddies reunited for an unprecedented third helping of the divinely given festival. The only differences on this night was that dinner would be held at Szechuan House, Kosher le Pesach guidelines would not be adhered to and it would be an experience shared with people we actually loved.

Having not touched a carb in well over 48 hours (going on 48 months for Marge), the three Phuc Wits were toeing the line between hungry and ravenous. Nestled between a Chinese medical clinic and a store that seemed to be selling anything and everything metallic, the two storied Szechuan House stood out like Mount Sinai in the Egyptian desert. As we made our way to the entrance a burning bush caused us to stop in our tracks, much to our disappointment however, it was merely a group of junkies trying to keep warm rather than the sign from God we were hoping for.

The menu literally left us spoilt for choice. Page upon page of dishes that were quite unfamiliar to Victoria Street veterans like ourselves and although in over our heads, we were excited by the prospect of trying something new. Szechuan cuisine is notorious for its spice and fragrance, elicited from the generous use of garlic, chilli and the aptly name Szechuan peppercorn. A three chilli classification system, three for the spiciest and one for the mildest, was used to warn patrons of the eye watering affects of each dish.

It should be noted that each dish we ordered was a mere two on the chilli scale. It was decided that a combination of intestinal blocking matzah and formidable quantities of chilli would have been a recipe for disaster, and cooler heads prevailed.

As a pre curser to the meal, the waitress brought over what could be described as a deconstructed charoset, with spice rather than sweet being the overriding flavour. The walnuts of the charoset were replaced by some form of soft peanut, the apple was substituted with marinated seaweed, and the red wine swapped with spicy tree fungi. The pickled chicken feet, were not only out of left field, but also inedible.

Having spent the last two nights meticulously poring over the Haggadah while opportunistically siphoning a crumb of matzah here, or a pickle there to satisfy our burgeoning hungers, we were pleasantly surprised when within minutes of polishing off the last of the peanuts our main meal had arrived. It was as if the chef’s not only knew we were coming, but knew exactly what we would order. Whether it was divine intervention or possibly the fact that we chose the most popular items on the menu didn’t matter, because it was time to eat!

The broth of the wonton soup was infused with what looked like chilli oil but turned out to be sweeter than anticipated. The chicken filling tasted more of a nutty cinnamon mix found in Turkish desserts and frankly left a lot to be desired. The fact that 3 of the 8 dumplings were left untouched speaks volumes. Especially because after the overdose of matzah balls, the Buddies were craving something that resembled kreplach, the wontons however, did not deliver.

The spicy deep fried chicken was arguably the star dish of the meal receiving wide acclaim from all three of the musketeers. A bed of roasted whole chilli’s was punctuated by deliciously spiced, and cooked to perfection pieces of flawless chicken. With the same addictive tendencies of a KFC favourite pop-corn chicken but with far less batter and negative health ramifications, the giant platter big enough to feed 5 was barely enough to satiate 3!

The pork and vegetable stir fry was also fantastic. Shredded pork combined with delicately cooked carrot, cabbage, broccoli, snow peas and of course liberal amounts of chilli, was heaped onto a plate and delivered to us still steaming from the wok. The consistency was almost like the filling of a spring roll, but fresher, tastier, and downright better. The corn flour thickened sauce ensured that the flavours were even distributed over every ingredient. If you enjoy a bowl of rice to really soak up a dish, this is the one for you.

The stuffed eggplant came to us incased in an aluminum shell that we quickly ripped open. Inside we found a generous portion of eggplant that was stuffed with pork mince, then seemingly pan fried on top to caramelise the meat and also seal in all the flavour. The eggplant was expertly cooked, with that melt in your mouth consistency that every aubergine-cooking chef should aim for. Although not overly spicy, it complemented the other two dishes which, when put together had enough spice to cover for this plant.

Unfortunately for the service points, but serendipitous for ourselves, the green beans were forgotten and although not even close to hungry, a little bit of foliage wouldn’t have gone astray!

The courteous and friendly service of all the waiters was noted and appreciated. Perennially dehydrated, we were extremely impressed with their dedication to ensuring we always had our glasses filled with water, however due to the explosive nature of the food, it’s basically a duty of care.

Overall the meal was highly enjoyable and easily one of the best we’ve eaten on our journey so far. As the manager delivered our bill with “a mighty hand and an outstretched arm” we were again impressed with the value of the meal.

As we made our Exodus from the restaurant we were all relieved that we would not have to follow in the footsteps of Moses and the Israelites and wander Victoria street for 40 years looking for our car, because it was exactly where we left it, in the parking lot.

Service 4/5
Value 3.5/5
Food 34/40

Total 41.5/50

Also, for the first time in living memory, Yez was beaten in the traditional post meal Buck Hunter session. Out of the three sites visited, Dizzle managed to conquer two of them while Marge shot magnificently to bring up a stage victory for himself. It has been reported Yez is taking time off to consider his future in the sport.

The Incredible Bury Wonderstone 0.5/5 – If you like movies where a bunch of has-been’s embarrass themselves then this is the movie for you

In honour of the New Year and the resumption of our journey, we decided that 2013 should kick off with a bang. This meant temporarily bypassing the next restaurant on our list, (coincidentally this happened to be ‘Vegan Hut’) in favour of a more tried and tested option; Pacific Seafood BBQ House. A long-standing Mecca for fresh seafood and barbequed meat lovers, Pacific House is something of an institution on the street even spawning a second establishment for those on the other side of the river (210 Toorak Rd, South Yarra). As soon as we found a table we were presented with three bowls of ‘house soup’, while Yask rebuked the murky broth, Marge and Dizz took a couple of spoonfuls before resigning it to the edge of the table. While not as unpleasant as it appeared, it offered little in the way of taste and was proving an unnecessary distraction to the task at hand, ordering.

With the promise of freshly made New Year’s resolutions still ringing in our ears we poured over the extensive menu searching for options that would both satisfy our hunger as well as our newfound healthy lifestyles. Ultimately we decided on a whole deep fried flounder, mixed bbq meats, san choi bow, a Szechuan chicken hot pot and some water spinach. We also resolved to try new things, so we’ll call it a break even!

The san choi bow arrived first with Yask somewhat ironically taking the vegetarian route while Marge and Dizz opted for chicken. Despite all initially appearing to be a bit dry and devoid of the customary dollop of plum sauce they proved to be deceptively full of flavour and were quickly devoured. Coming to Pacific House and not sampling their barbecued meats would be like going to KFC and not getting the Colonel’s fried chicken, so we also ordered a mixed plate of duck and pork. Despite its lofty reputation, mixed proved to be the perfect word to describe the dish. Some pieces were crispy skinned and succulent while others were fatty and gristly, the temperature also varied significantly between the two meats. All in all, the good pieces more than cancelled out the poor ones, so it must be said that at the end of the day the dish was still more hit than miss.

If it’s remiss of anyone to come to Pacific House and not get the bbq it’s downright disrespectful to dine there and not get any seafood. With the lobster significantly out of our price range and crab on the wrong side of our reward for effort equation we decided that a whole flounder would serve as the centrepiece for our meal. In regards to taste we weren’t disappointed, the fish came encrusted in the same sort of batter normally associated with salt and pepper squid with plenty of chilli and fried shallots to complement the sweet, sweet flesh. If we were to mount one criticism against the fish it would be that perhaps there was too little flesh to go around. Sure flounders are a thin fish and we can accept that, but this one was borderline bulimic. As if anticipating our main course’s eating disorder we had also ordered a side of water spinach with garlic and a Szechuan chicken hot pot. The chicken which was recommended by our waitress was well spiced and tasty and although it briefly set our taste buds alight it fell a bit short of burning itself into our memories. Finally, the water spinach which was admittedly a second choice to the unavailable snow pea shoots that originally took our fancy eventually proved to be an adequate replacement and provided a fresh foil against the fried fish and the spice of the chicken.

So although our New Year’s resolutions were now in tatters, having been picked apart and destroyed in the same manner as the flounder carcass that remained as an embarrassing reminder of our indiscretions on the table, the year was at least off to a good start!

Entree 12.5/16
Main 17.5/24
Service 3/5
Value 3/5 ($113)

Total 36/50

Movie - Abandoned in favour of the new Buck Hunter outside the Box Office

1st: Yask, 2nd: Marge, 3rd: Dizz.

(Please note that while Marge did come second, he did win his first series. One more than Dizz has won)

With our journey down Victoria Street becoming increasingly burdensome it was recently decided amongst us to take a brief break in order to not only recharge our batteries but to also reflect on where the journey had taken us thus far. Each embraced the break differently; Yask finally took the opportunity to book in a touch of rhinoplasty to get the beak tweak that he’s long been avoiding. While he claims it’s the result of an old footy injury and purely practical, you cant help but notice his more streamlined look… not to mention the new set of double D’s he’s now sporting! Marge’s approach was more-low key, opting to ignore Asian cuisine all together and instead throw himself head first into other aspects of the Orient’s culture, embracing everything from Tai-Chi to Origami. I on the other hand, headed straight to the source and headed to the country where every street is Victoria Street… Vietnam. With an insatiable appetite for Vietnamese food, the prospect of an extended break was too much to stomach, so with the gang’s blessing and with the help of an honorary Phuc buddy, we set out on a pho fact finding mission to establish how the good stuff differs at the origin.

Unsurprisingly, the nation’s capital delivered the top two dishes of the trip. Whether this is due to the cooler climate or the sheer abundance of options, Hanoi proved to be an absolute Mecca for street food. We couldn’t walk more than a few steps without almost tripping over the tiny plastic furniture that litters the side walks and indicates that another tantalising dinner for less than a couple of dollars is on offer. While uncomfortable and borderline impossible to get down to, if like me, you’re of more ‘Western proportions’ these little plastic tables and chairs that would seem more at home in a kid’s playroom generally indicate that that food’s going to be more cheap and delicious than their more comfortable restaurant counterparts.

While I intended to sample and report exclusively on pho I quickly found out that this wasn’t to be as simple as the handful of options available here. With each city offering their own unique variant of the staple noodle soup it would have been remiss of me to lump them all under the broad title of pho. So instead I have outlined my top 5 noodle soups of the trip.

#1 Pork in lot (vine) leaf with sliced apples, vermicelli and strong broth.

Hanoi

Contentiously, my soup of the trip technically might not even be considered a soup! The lack of spoons on offer to eat with and the fact that the broth was almost too heavily concentrated to eat it by itself both suggests that it was more of a large dipping sauce if anything. But either way, there was no doubt that the combination of the bbq’d pork wrapped in vine leaves, little ‘rissoles’ of the same meat along with the noodles and an abundance of fresh herbs delivered the dish of the trip! Each ingredient came on a large tray with additional limes and chillies allowing us to tailor the dish to our own preferences. While over powering by itself, the sweet and sour broth was perfectly offset by the two types of pork and the refreshing mixture of herbs. Each mouthful provided a veritable explosion of flavour that wont be forgotten any time soon!

#2 Chicken balls and mint stalks with rice noodles in chicken broth.

Hanoi

The success of this dinner was more the result of good fortune than good design as its selection was based purely on the fact that it provided respite from an unexpected storm. With no menu to speak of and only one giant cauldron of soup in sight the ordering process was as simple as pointing to the content looking locals around us and nodding in the directions of their meals. Within minutes we were presented with two enormous bowls of clear chicken broth with some unidentifiable greens and small chicken meatballs. The subtle, heart-warming broth ensured that any lingering chill from the rain was soon forgotten. While the little meatballs that would even put Nonna’s polpette to shame provided a pleasant surprise every couple of mouthfuls without distracting from the clean flavour of the soup. However, it was the steamed stalks of Vietnamese mint that stole the show! Resembling a bok choi in consistency but still with a hint of residual mint flavour they were easily the most memorable element of the dish. Their freshness also presented the perfect foil to the plate of savoury donuts that accompanied the soup and melted in your mouth after being dunked into the broth.

#3 Pho Ga (Chicken)

Hoi An

Served in a little restaurant alongside Hoi An’s river this soup was definitely the most reminiscent of the sort of phos we regularly enjoy on Vic Street. The major point of difference was that the quality of chicken was superior to what we get at home with each piece appearing hand picked and devoid of the excess skin or gristle that can sometimes be off putting. The significant difference was the inclusion of large chunks of ginger and generous amounts of fresh chilli both already included in the broth rather than alongside it. The end result was a vibrant albeit sweat inducing soup that became all the more intense as the broth diminished. Fortunately fresh mango juice and a complementary slice of ‘Hoi An Cake’ offset the burn nicely!

#4 Pho Bo (Beef)

Hoi An

Eaten on plastic furniture in a little side street in Hoi An’s Old Quarter this dish is testament to the fact that looks can be deceiving. Admittedly, this one initially intimidated us! It’s bright orange broth had us bracing ourselves for an early morning blast of chilli but in fact the vibrant colour actually betrayed the subtle, well balanced flavours that hid inside. The meat too wasn’t what it first seemed, the huge, gelatinous blob of meat that at first glance appeared almost inedible actually hid delicious, tender morsels of meat that would separate with the slightest inspection of a spoon. A bigger than normal array of condiments that ranged from the normal limes and chilli to pickled shallots and even a rather questionable jar of pâté that ensured everyone was able to tailor the dish according to their own tastes.

#5 Pho Ga (Chicken)

Ho Chi Minh City

While a host of soups could feel unlucky to miss out on a coveted top 5 slot it was hard to go past the first one we enjoyed on the trip. Included in the hotel’s complementary breakfast, the fragrant broth, fresh mint and basil and tasty pieces of shredded chicken provided the perfect introduction to not only our time in Vietnam but to every single day there as well!